Blackout Sex, The Best Times You’ll Never Remember
If you’ve never blacked in and found yourself having sex then 1. you’re likely more responsible than I am and 2. you’re really missing out on finding out your sexual potential. They say that most people really have multiple personalities and that for most people, our dominant personality is in charge all the time and for those who have weaker minds, they fall to multiple personality disorder. I like to imagine that ‘blackout’ me is just a different personality that takes over, and she is one awesome dirty whore. I’m serious, ‘blackout’ me does and says things that are ingenious, disturbing, and incredibly adventurous. I even think that ‘blackout’ me is more put together than ‘really drunk’ me. ‘Blackout’ me is the kind of girl who goes and drinks the bottle of gatorade before bed and puts the bathroom trash can by my bedside. ‘Really drunk’ me falls asleep with her shoes and winter coat on and leaves a pizza in the oven when she gets home. My friends can rarely tell when I’m blacked out which is both a blessing and a curse. It keeps bartenders from cutting me off (when they should), but no one ruins my fun. ‘Blackout’ me has been known to get into rap battles, arm wrestling competitions, do parkour, and most of all, have really dirty sex.
Having sex while blacked out has led to really interesting moments. While I am a riot to have sex with while blacked out, others are not always the same. I have laughed the hardest in my entire life having sex with people who were blacked out (of course I didn’t know at the time) and waking up to hear the stories that jog vague and disturbing memories in my mind.
I was inspired to blog about my blackout sex because recently on a first date we both got way too fucked up and decided we weren’t going to have sex. He gave me sweat pants and I remember putting them on and climbing into bed. Next thing I know, I black in and we’re having anal sex. Who has anal sex on a first date? ‘Blackout’ me. That’s who. Apparently we got into bed and I was like ‘Baby, just fuck me up the ass’. Now, that would be hard to believe if it was the first time I’d hear that I’d said something like that before, but unfortunately it isn’t. I also don’t say baby, but ‘blackout’ me is one smooth talker. So I black in during this really rough anal sex and it was good mostly because I was really drunk and I thought to myself, eh we’re here, let’s just roll with it. Of course not all moments go as smoothly as this, but I was happy to take it.
“What happened to us?”
This is one of my favorite stories to tell because it’s embarrassing for my ex and because he always loves to tell my embarrassing blackout sex stories. My ex and I were hooking up one night and I was really drunk and apparently he was blacked out which I should have gathered. So we get home and we start fooling around and he wants to go down on me; which of course I’m not opposed to. So he starts going at it and occasionally he takes little breaks and I can tell he’s getting tired so I ask him if he just wants to have sex and he says no. Fine, whatever I’ll let him continue. So he starts laying his head on my inner thigh for support and next thing I know he’s asleep. Face in my vagina, asleep. I’m hysterical and feel bad for him so I wake him up and I say “baby let’s just go to bed now”. I swear on my life, and this is what makes this story so great, he starts crying. Not just a tear or two, he starts sobbing and starts asking me “what happened to us?” and I’m doing my best not to laugh hysterically in his face, but I can’t hold back. He fell asleep eating me out and now he thinks I just don’t want him going down on me anymore– which has sent him into hysterics about our relationship. He has no recollection of any of it, but it’s one of my favorite stories about the mishaps of trying to have sex when blacked out.
Of course since I’ve told you I’ve done embarrassing and disturbing things, you’re probably curious as to what those are. I will tell you.
“Don’t turn out the lights”
On a trip with my ex to Chicago, we stayed over one night at his friends house. Apparently after an intense game of Jenga, I reached ‘blackout’ me and decided him and I should be having sex. Well we’re in his friends guest room down the hall and so my ex wants to turn the lights off not to keep anyone up. Apparently when he turned the lights off I started crying and accused him of hating my body and not wanting to sleep with me anymore. I was so upset I even said I was going to call my mom and get a flight home early for the next day because we were obviously over. No, I do not have any recollection of this, and yes, it’s humiliating. You win some you lose some.
“Snoring is never good”
Another embarrassing moment occurred when I was hooking up with someone I casually dated for a few weeks the summer before I moved to NY. We got hammered and I was going down on him and while still hard, he started snoring. I didn’t know what to do, so I just laughed hysterically and laid down and passed out. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the next morning so when he asked if we had sex I just said “wow, I don’t know” and have kept that secret with me ever since. I have to admit, that after all the falling asleep during foreplay with me I started to develop a complex. However, since it’s never happened with anyone who was even really really drunk, I don’t think its me so much as Mr. Whiskey.
One of the dirtier incidents was also with my ex. I mean, a lot were. I always want to get into anal sex when I’m blacked out. It must be ‘blackout’ me’s favorite which is really unfair because ‘hungover’ me has to deal with that the next day and it’s like cleaning up a mess you’re not responsible for. So one night I guess I was doing a whole lot of ass-to-mouth and that my ex made a slight attempt and added in a “uh– oh- I wouldn’t– I mean, okay whatever” so, a real solid attempt to stop that from happening. I luckily don’t remember it, but I can tell you even really REALLY drunk me wouldn’t think that was acceptable. Licking a dudes asshole is one thing, licking a dudes dick after it’s been in your asshole is a whole different story.
There are many up’s and down’s to black out sex, but my favorite times are when I know we started having sex, and then I blacked out in the middle and then woke up the next morning. It’s such a nerve racking experience. Especially when it happens with a one night stand because I can never muster up the courage to ask them if I just started sleeping in the middle or what the fuck I suggested we do. Those are the mornings I gather my clothes and sneak out at 6am and will walk over a mile in last night’s outfit to avoid that conversation. I once gathered the courage to ask a guy a couple months later how the whole thing ended and he said it went really well, but then mentioned he felt all ‘rapey’ and I’ve stopped asking people since then. I really just trust ‘blackout’ me to keep it together because she always does. She may be one dirty ass whore, but she’s sure proud of it.